I do not consider myself to be good at putting my feelings in writing. So it is with some hesitation that I attempt to give a run down of my experience thus far.
I cannot really call this my story because most stories have an ending and mine does not, so this is just a recap of some of my past and current experience.
I was born in Salt Lake City, UT. I consider my parents to be two of the best. I have three sisters and four brothers and all of us are unique individuals, to say the least. My parents did their best at raising us in the LDS religion. I had some great examples growing up and still think very highly of many who had a positive impact on me along the way. I do not have ill feelings towards any of my past peers.
One year after high school, I decided to do what many of my friends at the time were doing and I served a mission for the LDS church. I loved it! I met many wonderful people that, still to this day, I think about and often wonder how they may be. As far as missionaries go, I was fairly successful at bringing many into the LDS organization.
Soon after, I married and had my first of two daughters. She was very young still when I first found out about this information it was 2004 and my Mom’s then-boyfriend mentioned something to me about the 116 pages.
After reading the 116 pages, I knew I had to see if there was anything else that had been presented. Not long after, I was able to meet Christopher. Unlike many other encounters I have had over the years with new people, I felt comfortable around him. Not even a few hours after meeting him, I sat on his lap as he played Santa and handed out gifts at the party. I still have the picture, and I’m not one to sit on Santa’s lap.
Once The Sealed Portion of the Book of Mormon was made available, I was excited to read it. I had never been excited to read anything that I could remember.
I had read the Book of Mormon probably 20 times or more and, at the time, still had many passages fresh on my mind from my LDS mission. So upon reading the Sealed part, there was no doubt that it was of great importance. I could not deny that many things contained in The Sealed Portion were true because I know firsthand how this organization operates. It was a wake-up call, to say the least.
I was actually upset that I had once believed many things that the LDS religion had taught me. No one likes to feel like an idiot, but I must admit, I bought into it. I had told people on my mission, time and time again, that this was his only true church and that only through this LDS church can you live forever with your family and Our Heavenly Father. I have no way of going back to find all of those people who I once met and convinced to join this church. But I know there will be no hard feelings in the end. I did not intentionally lie to them but was lied too just the same.
Soon after The Sealed Portion came other great books and as I read each one slowly the things I once believed were important did not matter.
I will not tell you it has been easy because I have learned firsthand what is meant by the phrase A Sharp Two-Edged Sword. Many things I once considered of great importance no longer matter to me. I am more aware of how the things I do and say negatively affect others around me so I limit my interactions with others. Now that I am more self-aware of how my daily life may negatively affect others, I find it more difficult to justify my way of life. I do not like to be a burden on others.
I have no desire to be what the world considers a successful person. Many people mock me and make fun of me and these are supposed to be my friends and family. I try to be understanding and forgive them but it still breaks my heart. Even those who were once close to me mock me and treat me differently so I do not desire to be in their presence.
I look forward to a time when we can all just get along. But, until then, I will most likely hide myself away. I am not in a position to not be a part of this world. I must go out and try to provide my basic needs. Some days are better than others but each day brings new challenges.
I am grateful for the Truths that I have found in the books of this Marvelous Work and a Wonder® and for all of the things Christopher has shared along the way. Many things that have been shared with me up to this point have greatly affected the way I act and interact with others. It is these Truths and a knowledge of how things really are that make me want to be a nicer, kinder, and more understanding person. I hope others can forgive me for any pain I have caused. Apologies to any whom I may offend as I am at just a fool. I don’t like to be a source of unhappiness to others but I do realize I have caused many pain and suffering.
In summary, the most important thing I have learned is that You must love Yourself before You can truly love others. It sounds simple and should be attainable but I lack patience and understanding. The little peace I have is only possible because of the Truths I have found through this Work and I am grateful for everyone who has sacrificed time and talents to present these Truths. Until the time when we can all treat one another the way that we would like to be treated, I will struggle to have true and everlasting joy. But through the truths presented in this work I know it is possible.