My name is Todd. I would like to communicate my story as though these are my last words to my children and my closest friends. I cannot be more sincere and honest. My story isn’t more revealing than any other. I wish only to tell you who I am and how I’ve allowed the words of the MWAW to uplift my mind and unburden me from the stresses and standards of the world we all live in together. It’s a world in which I’ve seen whole classes of people who require mental blinders in order to navigate this hard path, always seeming to be riddled with more disappointment and despair than happiness.
Let me quickly qualify what I’m about to describe to you. I was a strong and faithful follower of the LDS church. I served a mission in southern Germany and western Austria. I graduated college and taught LDS high school seminary for a few years. I served the public for 25 years in law enforcement and nearly half as much time in the custodial and maintenance services. Throughout this phase in my life, I was able to witness and come to a better understanding of the suffering and physical struggles of the poorer, struggling class of society. The same people are often referred to as the “underbelly” of mankind.
As law enforcement, I’ve worked in all imaginable environments throughout Utah. I’ve experienced everything from regulating homeless camps to investigating crimes of the rich. I’ve witnessed terrible living conditions. I’ve seen terrible and unspeakable things that both men and women have done to each other. I’ve dealt with individuals who have just taken another’s life, and I’ve made notification and suffered with the families of those whose lives were taken. I’ve witnessed mothers collapse, in hopeless despair, upon hearing of their only child’s death. I’ve seen fathers killed in front of their children. I’ve comforted children bawling upon their dead mother’s lap.
I’ve also seen the happiness on people’s faces as they watch a parade or see their kids participate in sports and other special events. I understand how great this world can be for some and how horrible and hard it can be for others. As a custodian and maintenance worker, I became accustomed to being treated with less respect than any human should ever get used to. My closest friends and I were those who served others and were treated as servants by most. I learned special and intimate things about myself throughout this period of my life.
I have always been a seeker of truth. I thought I understood truth. However, I began to question my belief system. I discovered that I indeed had blinders on and had been ignoring what I always suspected may be true. One example of many would be the church’s welfare system, which I previously held with such high regard. I can’t tell you how many times I discovered “Deseret” food stashed away in the cars and homes of the poor, who were not members of the LDS church. Upon questioning, most, if not all, were forced to resort to deception in order to acquire the food. I was told that they were hungry and had nowhere else to go but the LDS church in this area. The government had failed them, their families had mostly failed them or were in the exact same destitute state as they found themselves. Their stories were all alike. The LDS church, my church, would not give them food unless promises were made to attend and participate in LDS practices. These people were forced to lie and attend meetings they had no desire to even think about, let alone be around people who didn’t understand their plight and lived in a completely different class than those around them. They just wanted to eat, not have their faces rubbed into something they didn’t have.
I began to empathize and think like those who were cast out and forced to beg for scraps at the tables of others. I could not logically put together why the Lord, who is supposed to be our Dad, our very Father in Heaven, would have any organization or religion on this earth that would exclude any of his children.I’d come across some of the most sincere, honest, and delightful human beings that had nothing to do with God or religion. I’ve shared many experiences with people who, without complaint, have worked and worked and have been treated with blatant unkindness by the very human beings they serve.
I couldn’t see a way out for these poor people. There were no answers. I couldn’t see a way out for me. I would go home for an escape, only to confront more problems and hardships. I took them well. I was able to find a way to smile through everything. I didn’t know if I was truly happy or faking it to everyone. I found myself identifying more with the class of people I served in law enforcement and worked with as a custodian. I was always searching for something more. I felt dissatisfied with everything that seemed to previously have meaning to me. All of these deep and moving experiences opened my mind.
I believe it was the fall of 2015 when I found myself fixing my car. I love working with my hands because it engages my mind. I began thinking of the sealed part of the Book of Mormon. I’ve always loved mysteries and solving problems. As far back as I can remember seeing renderings of the Gold Plates, I wondered about that sealed part. I dreamed of what might be in there. I hate secrets and love to discover what is hidden. As I was elbows-deep in the engine compartment, a thought popped into my head. I suddenly realized that I’d never thought about searching the Internet to see what it said about the sealed part of the Book of Mormon. It was such a motivating thought that I left the car, wiped the grease off of my hands, and immediately tried to search with my cell phone. There was no service. I walked around, found service, searched for the Sealed Portion and found that someone claimed to have translated it.
I was so excited that I was shaking. It was my heart. It was beating out of my chest. I couldn’t control my excitement. I immediately read the book in its entirety. I read through several nights, being surprised that time flew so quickly. I was on the edge of my seat, not knowing what would be revealed next. I couldn’t put it down. Nothing I have ever experienced struck me so deeply and sincerely. The joy I felt was contagious. I was so happy. I wanted everyone to experience the joy I felt from reading this book. I was bursting with an energy I couldn’t describe to even my closest friends and family. I knew it was something that needed to be felt to understand.
After reading The Sealed Portion and the “Lost 116 Pages,” I developed a drive to find this Christopher, who translated the book. I knew this energy building in my heart was good, because it brought me so much fulfillment and joy. It was a literal escape from my perception of this world. I discovered that if I simply allowed this newfound warm and beautiful energy to sprout and grow, it would take hold and change me.
Change has not been easy. It has only been as successful as I have allowed it to influence me. I discovered over the past years that the hardest times have been the times I haven’t understood the endgame. I fought the very things that this work was whispering to me to become a better human being. Some changes have disrupted my life and terrified me. However, I cannot find any instance where I haven’t been rewarded tenfold.
Let me now tell you what this MWAW means to me. I found Christopher. I have been around him personally. I have seen this man’s heart. He wears it on his sleeve for all to see. I see it. He is kind to a fault. It is not something that can be described. It can only be felt. His energy is almost overwhelming. His energy is love and kindness. He works tirelessly and I can feel unadulterated love from him and see intelligence and wisdom when he looks into my eyes. I want everyone to see and feel this. It excites my heart and soul. His words somehow make this world livable and I am able to find joy living here.
The diversity and eclectic ways different human beings perceive the same world I live in used to be confusing to me. No longer is this the case. This work speaks the truth. It answers questions that we all have struggled with in this world. Its concepts not only improved my relationships with other people, it caused them to wonder where my happiness was coming from. I have gotten rid of most of my old possessions and find joy in doing it. It was the brutal honesty Christopher showed me. He cut my pride to pieces and I allowed it happen. I didn’t fight it. I embraced it. I found love in his sharp words. He cared enough about me to be honest with me. I needed honesty in my life. It was honesty I was truly searching for, but was terrified in facing. I truly felt him ripping me apart and tearing me down to nothing. However, he then provided me with the courage and armor I needed to build myself up.
This work or armor is releasing me from the mental hardships of this world. I struggle through physical hardships just like most everyone else around me, excluding those who struggle to live in third-world countries. The Real Truth that Christopher offers through the MWAW has given me hope. I am able to understand some of what is happening now and what may happen in the future. The truth takes away my fear and confusion. It brings me a peace that I can’t describe. I believe it to be something a person must feel. I sincerely want everyone to feel it.
As I look back at my life, I think about marriage and the birth of my children, all of my dogs, all of my sweet memories… I can recall nothing that compares to the sheer joy this work has brought me. It’s given me more than I could ever return. It’s become my very life and soul. I wish everyone could feel this feeling. I do love you all enough to be honest with you.
Todd Layne Hull
435-246-9274
toddlhull@gmail.com
