Hey, howdy, hey! My name is Robyn Lea Walter. Before I attempt to share a bit about myself I just want to add a disclaimer that my story is inconsequential to this work. I know that I’m nobody in this world and because of the MWAW I now understand I didn’t know much of anything before finding this work. In fact, everything I thought I knew and most everything I thought I was… well, was all based on lies, lies I foolishly accepted as truth.
I used to view myself as a “spiritually minded” < rolled eyes> person. Now, I’m just me, whoever that is as I’m still trying to figure that out since coming to know the real truth or some of it anyways. At some point in my life, I began to recognize that people, myself included, had a weakness for conflating religion with “the true gospel”. I think my experiences early on in life forced me to search for answers to explain or to make my experiences make sense and because I spent so much of my time in my head trying to work things out I began to recognize some of the inconsistencies between what I understood “the gospel” to be and the actions of church going people (again, myself included). I was, afterall, “spiritual” and so as time went on and life got more complicated… I thought I was doing pretty good with the answers I believed I had “from God”. Coming to the knowledge that it was mostly all (if not all) wrong, well, it shook me, deeply. Before learning about the MWAW I would say that my “belief” in “God” gave me strength and got me through a lot of hard things. Letting go of what I viewed as my foundation… this faith in “God”… was brutal on one hand, but on the other, it was like returning “home” because the real truth just makes sense and it answered questions I didn’t even know I had.
I’m happy that I no longer have to search. I don’t have to be confused by the so-called truths I thought I knew. I no longer have to try and make sense out of things that simply don’t make sense because for whatever reason and through no effort of my own the real truth was made known to me through Christopher, a true messenger who shares the real truth about all things.
I’m here sharing these words simply to show my support for this work and to provide those who support the work an opportunity to know a little of who I am. As someone who prefers to stay in the shadows, it’s difficult to share pieces of my life openly on such a public forum. I’m not afraid to show my support, but I’ve struggled to discern what’s truly relevant to share in order to keep my words as concise as possible. I’ve had so many experiences that I believe have played a role in preparing me to accept the real truth that I keep ending up taking a deep dive into my life and finding myself on the brink of writing an autobiography I don’t think anyone would be interested in reading and in the grand scheme of everything really doesn’t matter. In any event, I’m going to try and keep this as short as I can.
What was my childhood like?
As I said, I’m Robyn, but at one point or another between birth and nine years old, I was also known as Terilynn, Robin, or Elizabeth (Lizzy). There is a much longer story here, but in keeping with my goal I’ll stick to the basics. I was born Terilyn as my birth mother named me. She was only 17 at the time and she tried her best to care for me but after four months decided someone else could do better for me then she could. I don’t know where I was from four months old until my first adoption… yeah, I was adopted twice. In my first adopted home where I lived from the age of two until nine, I suffered all manner of abuses to the point of me blocking out the majority of my childhood. I see sharing this information as relevant only in presenting a vulnerability about myself and to set the stage for how this vulnerability shaped me, at least to the best of my ability at this time. Even though I lived in about seven homes before I was about eleven years old, all of them were LDS/Mormon and so I was a member of that church most of my life. One of the few memories I have as a child is when I was sealed to my first adoptive parents at about age four. I was baptized at eight, attended all four years of young women’s girl’s camp, participated in baptisms for the dead, full-filed many “callings” from the age of twelve and forty-five, graduated seminary, and was mostly an active LDS/Mormon all of my life until I left the church in 2019 ( Again, a whole story here… maybe for another time).
Growing up I spent a great deal of time in my head trying to make sense of my childhood experiences. The things I learned at church played a major role in shaping how I processed them. I think some were helpful at the time, while others (I now know) weren’t.
That said, I believe it was the teachings of eternal families that “got me” from a young age for reasons maybe someone who grew up feeling they were unwanted, unlovable, abandoned, bad, and hurt by people who were “supposed” to take care of you, might understand. In the mind of a nine-year-old little girl… It was a lot to try and reconcile. I believed there was something wrong with me, so much so, that I was being punished and that in order to “redeem” myself in the eyes of “God” I had to live by every “command” of “God” [i.e. the church]… and that my reward would be an eternal family.
I always felt different. The best way I can find to explain it is that I felt like I stood out like someone had imprinted a scarlet letter on me that let others know I was different because of the things I had experienced. All I wanted was to be invisible or at least to blend in. I didn’t want everyone to know the things that happened to me… but they had to know because they treated me differently. At least I thought they did. I felt “marked”.
I didn’t have many friends growing up. I never seemed to be able to find “my place”. I was bullied in middle school. One example I remember is about a girl who couldn’t handle the boy she liked talking to me and so she decided to de-pants me (underwear and all) to my feet in the middle of the playground. I was mortified. I remember thinking “if she only knew who I was and the things I’d been through then maybe she wouldn’t have done this.” I think she just wanted to embarrass me, not realizing what this sort of action would do to a girl like me. How it would make me feel. What memories it would spark. Or how the girl who wanted to be unseen would feel unbearably seen. I hurt for her too and for whatever stuff she had been through in her own life that made her feel the need to do that to another person in order to make herself look better to others (?) Feel better about herself?
I was mostly a quiet and reserved girl. I spent a lot of time daydreaming. I really wanted to make sense of who I was, why I was here, why my life was playing out the way it was so diametrically unlike that of my peers, etc. so while my peers were doing whatever they did, fitting in, planning their future, hanging out, playing or watching sports, figuring out who they were to the world, I was feeling like I had entered the twilight zone and wanted to figure out how to exit stage left.
I was also your typical “people pleaser”, never wanting to make waves, cause contention, or make issues for others. I liked to stay in the background of life, observing others, again trying to make sense of it all. The LDS/Mormon teachings on eternal families became my driving force. I suppose I saw it as my “saving grace” and a ticket out of this mad world where people are cruel and heartless … for a long time I struggled to understand why people were so mean, especially those who on Sunday professed to love “God” and follow “Jesus Christ”. I also considered it a way to “prove” myself as someone worthy to exist, someone deserving of what I grew up seeing others have, a happy family, a place to belong… so I wouldn’t stand out as I thought I did. I guess I wanted to feel like I was just like everybody else. No better and equally no worse. And, definitely, not “marked.”
I was your typical boy-crazy girl too. Though I didn’t have many friends, I always seemed to have a boyfriend. I got along with them better. Well, at least the ones that didn’t want to just take advantage of my naivety. I certainly got myself into plenty of compromising situations with boys. I seemed to have a knack for that most of my life, but I think I’ve finally figured out how not to! <SMH>. Plenty to expound upon here too!
Fast forward to early adulthood…
My first marriage was an LDS temple marriage which (I) ended after fourteen years. I have four children from that marriage. Although my desire was for joint custody of the children and that’s what we settled on initially, about a year and a half later my ex petitioned the court and basically used the court system to bully me into conceding and signing his terms. I had no recourse as I couldn’t afford a lawyer. Although I had been their primary caregiver for thirteen years, I was made out to be an incompetent mother who “abandoned” her children, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I spent those fourteen years trying to be “good enough” in the eyes of “the church” and my “eternal companion” but, it didn’t matter how hard I tried to “fit the bill of mormon-dom,” I didn’t.
The two and a half years both before my divorce and after, wow, was a period of turbulence in my life. There is a long backstory here, but it was a time that I began to question many things in my life. One of them was trying to understand how my temple marriage, my forever family, my “redemption” from my so-called punishment… failed and my “eternal family” fell apart. Again, I find myself trying to make sense of things. I guess I expected that since I had a temple marriage, it was forever, so I couldn’t reconcile it not actually being forever until it wasn’t. Everything I had believed I needed was now in question. Nothing made sense. I remember thinking “I did everything “right”, so how did it turn out so terribly wrong and end so badly?” My whole world was turned upside down. This marks the beginning of me starting to open my eyes and see things differently than I had up until that point.
Flash forward to today…
I’m remarried (not a temple marriage, though at the beginning of our relationship, I believed I would help my non-member husband know the truth of the “gospel” and that we would be sealed someday < rolled eyes>). He did join the LDS/Mormon church and he did attend the temple once. We put in papers to have my first sealing canceled so I would be clear to be sealed to my new husband, but never heard back from church headquarters. I guess my request wasn’t “good enough”, thank heavens. We both ended up leaving the church not long after. Oh, there’s so much more to that story as well. But anyways… [every time I say those words now I hear it in Christopher’s voice! LOL!)…
We have a 7-year-old son and a 6-month-old puppy together. My other children are now grown. This is getting so long! <argh> I’ve had several experiences since my first marriage ended that I think helped prepare me to accept the real truth. Too many to try and sum up in this writing. I suppose if anyone wants to know badly enough for whatever reason, they can feel free to contact me and ask.
We’re supposed to share how the MWAW has helped us and as much as I would like to claim that this work has set me free in some magnificent way that has brought me happiness, I cannot. At least not fully yet. I can say that I am happy to finally know the real truth. I’m happy that there is no more internal confusion and that I have truth I can actually work with to truly shed the unbelief that has plagued me. I still have much to learn and unlearn. However, I’m not happy that there doesn’t seem to be much hope that this world will get any better.
In preparing to write “my story” I was reflecting on my teenage years and how important it was to me to find my “soulmate” <cringe> so we could go to the temple and live happily ever after as all the Disney princess movies portray… and I remembered how obsessed I was over a church film titled “Saturday’s Warriors”. The storyline of the male and female living before mortality and then finding each other in mortality just seemed to “get me.” Another movie called “Made in Heaven” too. I was so silly! <SMH> But anyways, I couldn’t remember the name of the movie and so I had to google it, found it on YouTube, and had to watch a little bit to see how bad it would make me cringe. It was hard to watch the few short minutes I did.
One of the characters said something to the effect of “Freedom is knowing who you are.” I don’t think I’ve ever known who I truly am. I spent so much time in my developmental years trying to survive by pleasing others and trying to prove that I was worth having around as well as trying to make it all make sense that I didn’t have the space to know myself. I have no real idea what makes me happy except when it comes to knowing the real truth about who we are, where we came from, and where we are going. I hope it will help me figure out the real truth about who I truly am because as cringe-worthy as that movie was, I hope the quote was on point.
I miraculously found The Sealed Portion in the early summer of 2022 and have since read many of the available books and recently started viewing the many Coffee with Christopher’s available on YouTube. The reality for me personally is that I’ve been heart-wrenched for months. My soul has been in turmoil because of the myriad of deceptions I allowed myself to believe and to control me my entire life. Worst of all, how these lies shaped me to be who I have been “or strived to be” most of my mortal life. A person that was so misguided that she thought she was a good and decent person. I am not. I suffered in my childhood in ways that I wish no one else in this world or any world would have to, and I use to think the things I’ve experienced shaped me to be a more empathetic, compassionate, and wise or strong person, but in my quest to make sense of it all (using what I learned from religion), it just made me dumber and more inflicted by my mortal ego. The Real Truth helped me see that I couldn’t have been more wrong.
The Real Truth is a HUGE dose of humble pie and if it doesn’t bring you to your knees in sorrow for the wretched person you have been because of the deception and delusion of religion as it has for me, then … you’re a better person than me. I’ve hardly managed to get out of bed for months contemplating and reflecting on the whole of my life thus far in an attempt to judge how my past religious beliefs influenced how I thought and acted toward others. I’ve felt parts of me (my mortal flesh/ego) dying as I learned more real truth. I find solace in knowing there is a true messenger telling the real truth, uncloaking the “all is well in zion” bullshit … and it is the most refreshing sharp two-edge sword that undeniably cuts deep into my soul. It’s how I can tell it is the real truth!
If you want to know the real truth you have to be willing to question everything you thought you knew and chuck it in the trash bin of your brain where it belongs. You have to be willing to let your mortal flesh burn to ash, so you are able to be reborn in the Real Truth and become like a little child. There is no other way.
If you’ve made it to the end of this, thank you for sticking it out. I apologize for the length, I really tried to keep it short!
I am Robyn. I no longer belong to any religion. In spite of my mortal weaknesses, all I’ve ever truly wanted is for everyone to live the golden rule and for there to be peace among all humans. I know the Real Illuminati and those responsible for the MWAW have the answers as to how to make that happen. I support the only true messenger that exists on this earth, Christopher, and the MWAW.
I can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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