Hello. My name is Jean Crystal Stephensen. I was born October 1, 1970 in Libertyville, Illinois. When I was two, we moved back to Utah after my dad finished school so he could work for Thiokol. We lived in Brigham City, a very Mormon community, and everyone was Mormon.
I grew up with a big family. I was the seventh of nine children. Everybody in the ward knew that we were the Stephensen family and our home was a hoarder home.
My mom grew up with nothing. She’s was the oldest of seven kids. She kept onto everything she got.
My dad was the oldest of three kids and he was very much a person that was to himself, kind of a bookworm. He built TVs and computers In our basement He was an engineer, and I always felt like I was never good enough to be around him. I always wanted to know him but I never got the chance. He liked to be alone and do his own thing away from the family.
I had older brothers that went on missions. My dad was not active. He would go sometimes. My life revolved around church and family. My mom and dad were very different.
They used to have Primary after school and I remember going. The children made fun of me and would give me soap because, apparently, I did not take baths, but I didn’t know any better. I was just a little girl.
We would sing songs in Primary about the Temple and being together with your family forever and about loving one another. I always wanted a big family just like I was taught to have. I always believed. I prayed any time I felt scared.
My older brothers would take advantage of me sexually. I thought it was normal but the experiences I had left me feeling empty and lonely. 😞 I never told my mom or dad or anyone what was going on because they had enough on their plate with a big family. I would tell myself.
I got married young, 17, right after high school, to Todd, who was seven years older than me. Yes, he had gone on a mission and I thought my life would be a fairytale because I’d done what I was told to do.
I had my first baby when I was 18 and every two years I would have another baby. We had seven in all — five girls and two boys. As a young mother, I believed that I could read the scriptures and say my prayers and do everything I’m supposed to do and I would be happy and could have personal revelation.
I started feeling very overwhelmed. Even though I was reading the scriptures, saying my prayers, going to the temple, and paying my tithing so I would be happy.
After 18 years of marriage, I started to have trauma memories come up, and I was looking for answers on how to heal from this. I started looking into self-help books, reading, and learning. I got into some energy work and started to believe that I could get personal revelation and it would direct my life.
Shortly thereafter, I could see that I no longer wanted to be married or go to church, and I knew that my husband at the time loved the church. I did not want to hurt him because I no longer was going to be a part of it. I wanted him happy and I knew that the church made him happy, but I was very confused and scared to walk away from my family, the church, and everything I’ve ever known.
In the divorce, we had shared custody of the kids. My baby was four and my oldest daughter was 16. I really had to do some soul-searching when it came to the divorce. I didn’t want to hurt my ex-husband or the kids but I felt like I just needed to leave. I wanted to take the kids but I knew that my husband at the time would have said I was crazy because he believed I was listening to Satan. So, if I would’ve tried to take the kids, he would’ve this of thought me. I knew this from being married for 18 years, so I just had to release the children, stay in their life, and let them know I love them as much as I could.
I continued to listen to the voice inside my head that I thought was God and I left my family, my seven children. with their father because, of course, he was Mormon and I wanted them to have stability in their life. I left the Mormon church in 2004. I truly believed that I was being directed to leave my kids with their father. I needed to leave because I wasn’t a good mom, and of course God wanted me to because I can talk to God.
I used to believe, even now as I am thinking about these things, I was leaving my kids and leaving the church, yet believing that God was directing me — where? I didn’t know. I just trusted the voice more than anyone or anything.
I soon got involved with a polygamist group for three years, and all it did was feed my ego, believing that I could talk to God, believing in personal revelation, in energy, in my self God and that when men have power, they abuse it for their pleasure. I was there for three years and then I left.
I did make some good friends. One of those good friends, after I had moved home to help my mom, called me and told me about a website and that the sealed portion had been translated. I wasn’t familiar with the sealed portion because I hadn’t studied the Book of Mormon.
I got on the website anyway and looked at all of the books and the Human Reality book is what looked and felt like that’s where I should start. I started with the Human Reality book and read it online. I did also read the 666 book online, and then, after that, the temple book online that was in 2010. Even the men in my life that I dated, one for seven years and another one for two years, read with me.
I still believed that God was talking to me, even after I got this work. I just couldn’t let it go. It’s all I’ve ever known.
We went to visit my friend who lived in Las Vegas. When we went, she brought out The Sealed Portion. She asked me if I wanted it. I didn’t want to take hers, so I said that I would just read it online but my boyfriend at the time, Rick, said he wanted it. So, we took it home and started to read it together. He kept feeling like he needed to read the Book of Mormon first, but I continued to read and I finished it. As time went on, I continued to read the books.
Life got very hard for my boyfriend and he took his life. Life got very hard for me because, after he was gone, I had a lot of bills. I was working two jobs, trying to keep up, and feeling overwhelmed. Having this work, yet not implementing it in my life, I got to a point where I just wanted out. My ex-husband just got married. The kids had a mother. I felt like I could leave this world. I looked into ways of taking my life and I planned it. I had written notes for each one of my kids, letting them know it wasn’t their fault, it was just something I needed to do. I had a relationship with a friend that was 10 years plus and I said goodbye to him and I just felt like it was time to go.
I had a friend at work and I said let’s go to a movie. There was a movie I wanted to see. It had a dragon in it, and every time I’d see the dragon, I just kept thinking of the 666 book. So, even though I had made plans to leave this world, I kept feeling like I couldn’t do it until I read, in the 666 book, the definition of the dragon. And as I read it, I realized the reason I wanted to leave this world. It was because I wasn’t perfect, because I couldn’t keep up my bills and because I wouldn’t ask for help. I wouldn’t file for bankruptcy because I wanted to do it all on my own, to show myself that I was capable of this. And that dragged me down to the point of just wanting to leave this world because I couldn’t pay my bills.
As I realized this, as I continue to read the 666 book again, it changed my life. I no longer wanted to leave this world because of my pride and my ego. I could see it was destroying me once again. This work has truly saved my life in many ways, and continues to.
Now it is 2023 and I continue to read the books. I am learning every day how to love myself and those around me, through this work. I am healing my relationships with my kids that I had abandoned and left. I am learning just how I have listened to my ego. I have listened to the part of me that keeps destroying my happiness through this work.
I have found a love for myself, and continue to through this work. Everything I have ever wanted to know everything I have ever had questions about is being answered every day. I am reminded just how much I have given away to my ego, how I lie to myself, and how prideful I have been, hoping that every day can be different, and I can choose out of the lies I tell myself. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I’ve included my number and my email. I welcome anyone to call me and I will share this work, for it truly is a Marvelous Work and a Wonder® — the Real Truth®.