I was the 3rd child to be born into my family of four siblings, in which I was the only girl. My parents were members of the Mormon faith, and we were raised as such. My childhood was very different from others in that we moved every 2 years to either overseas or to a different state, due to my dad’s job working for the government. As a youngster, I got to see the world, and experience many things. I experienced different cultures and saw a lot of poverty, homelessness, orphans, and turmoil. I also experienced a lot of beauty and goodness in the world.
Family life at home was full of dysfunction and stress, but I had a kind and loving mother to help me through it. She taught me to not judge others, “until you’ve walked in their shoes, you have no right to judge, even then.” As I grew older, living the Mormon lifestyle brought even more stress and strife to my life with all its expectations and restrictions. I tried living up to the church, the leaders, and parents, expectations, only to fall short of my own. What about me?? Didn’t I have a say when it came to MY life? How could anyone be perfect in an imperfect world? It was too much to expect! My life was NOT how I pictured it. I WAS NOT HAPPY!
Not long after graduating high school, while living in Korea, I returned home to Utah to attend BYU, hoping for a good change. College life was NOT fun, it seemed to add more stress in my life in many ways. After my 1stsemester, I left college, only to return home, (my parents had returned home from Korea by then and were living in Iowa). I needed a break! I was working 2 jobs, and attending Young Adults and their activities at church. I soon married as expected, in the LDS Temple.
Having my own family and those relationships now brought on new challenges of its own. Being a wife, mother, and active member of the LDS faith brought on a constant struggle of having it all, being it all, doing it all, and by the way, on top of all that—striving for “perfection”. The guilt and the burden that comes with falling short of the pressures that I put on myself with family, as well as Church obligations were at times, OVERWHELMING! No wonder Utah is #1 in the Nation for people being on anti-depressants!
As my children started becoming teenagers, I began to notice some “red flags” in the Church, that brought a lot of concern to me. Here’s a short list:
1. The Church was making changes in the Endowment at the Temple … My first thought was, well if it was given correctly by our Prophet Joseph Smith at the time, why is it being changed? Every time it’s changed we lose plain and precious truths … but we’re not to question it, just accept it and move on.
2. The concept that we were taught, that we would be judged and “sentenced” after this mere mortal life expectancy as to what level in all eternity we would dwell, didn’t make sense to me … How could a mere dot of time in mortality dictate where I would dwell for all eternity? Especially if I had all of Eternity to get there?
3. I always noticed and wondered why the new LDS Church leaders that we voted on and sustained, at worldwide Conference, were always prominent wealthy businessmen. Weren’t there any humble farmers or less fortunate members that qualified for the job? Is it only for the elite within the Church?
4. The Word of Wisdom—the Word of Wisdom, as the scripture states that it was given “as a word of Wisdom and not by way of Commandment or Constraint.” So who changed it to a Commandment, and why? Do they know better than the Lord?
5. Mark Hoffman was selling bogus historical religious documents to the Church and it wasn’t until 2 people were killed, that the truth came out that the documents were fabricated and forged, it was all fraud! Why didn’t our Prophet know what was happening prior to the events? Doesn’t he walk and talk with God? Why didn’t he know that he was giving money to a criminal? They profess to be Prophets, Seers, and Revelators … and we sustained them as such … ??
6. I had the opportunity to meet Patriarch Eldredge G. Smith, at my home where he spoke and displayed the clothing that Hyrum Smith was wearing at the time of his death, and also the wooden box that the Golden Plates were stored in while in Joseph’s possession … he explained how he was put on Emeritus Status, when he had been told that he would always hold the office of Patriarch until his death … Why the change? Why all the politics within the church?
7. I also started to question why we needed to be sealed to each other, weren’t we already bound and connected to each other as brothers and sisters in the Pre-Existence? And how long have we actually been in existence—?? Eons??
*These were some of the questions that No one would or could answer for me … *
My husband was always a reader, and had his struggles with some of the doctrines of the Church. It wasn’t until the Bishop called me in, to ask how I as doing, that I learned that my husband had requested that he have his name removed from the records of the Church. I was in shock!!! Everything I had ever known, had just gone up in smoke!! My friends told me I should divorce him, and move on. How could I judge him now? The Lord, (as I was taught back then), granted me MY free agency, the right to choose for myself, so I decided I’d allow him the same courtesy, to also choose for himself, no judgment on my part. My children were all grown, and I was forced to reexamine my life, and church.
My 2 older brothers had, along with my parents, found the MWAW and had mentioned a few things to me about it. I even attended a “get together” that C had at my parents’ home where some concepts were discussed. My life at this time was a mass of confusion. I had a hard time believing that my family had found Real Truth when I didn’t see much of a change in how they treated us, their family (fellowmen). Not a judgment, just an observation. I just didn’t see where it had made a mighty change in their lives. I didn’t really have an opinion. Although my mother LOVED C!!
Months later, my husband was indicted on tax evasion charges. Another surprise for me. We endured the trial and he was found guilty and sentenced to Federal Prison for 33 months. All my Church neighbors pretty much abandoned me—minus a few select that cared enough to check on me from time to time. I was now working 3 jobs to keep the bills paid, and to keep my mind off of my situation.
My brother Glen, knowing my situation and suspecting my loneliness, invited me to a few of the MWAW get togethers over at Garden Park with his friends. I accepted the invitation. The kind and loving reception that I felt there, made a huge impression on me. Sitting there, partaking of their kindnesses and observing their love for each other was all so thought provoking as well. What was it about this group that made them so different? What did they know, that I didn’t? Why did they seem so happy? Getting to know Lynnette, Monica, Damon, Tony, Laura, Debbie, Leslie, Bret, Di, Dan, and Gary (sorry, if I left someone out) was a refreshing and a mind-blowing experience. There was no judgment, just unconditional outpouring of love and acceptance between them and toward me, something that I seemed to have missed out on my whole life.
Then, one night at Gary’s birthday dinner, I asked him, “why do you always seem to have a calm and peaceful demeanor?” He explained that after learning about Real Truth, from a True Messenger, it gave him a new perspective on life. I told him that was something I had always wanted in my life, Peace and Calm. He told me to start reading the books that the MWAW offer and begin to learn. Thank you, Gary, a true friend, for caring enough to encourage me to investigate for myself. So I started to read, and attended more “get togethers”. My life was looking up until …
Dennis my older brother, was arrested. C posted to the group that they were in no way to have any contact with Glen and I. I was banished (to outer darkness), before I ever really got started. I was devasted. My brother Glen and I were left to ourselves to sort through it all. I had just lost the new friends that had become part of my life. To get a taste of some small doses of happiness only to have it ripped away, was so painful! Gary and Dan Cook, both, told me to be patient and keep reading and things will sort themselves out. So, I kept reading and learning. Over time, we WERE given another chance. I am very grateful for that. Thank you, C.
Gary was having another birthday, and the get together was at Lynnette’s but it turned out to be extra special for all when C showed up unannounced. What a surprise! He shared his love and time with us. I soaked it in. We all hated for the night to end.
I’ve had the great opportunity to listen in on some of the recent Zoom Conference calls and learn Real Truth from C, a True Messenger. My reading and learning continues. I am still NOT perfect, but I no longer worry about the things in life that don’t really matter. I do those things that make Me happy now, and I accept others for who they really are, without judgment, knowing they are my equals in every way. This has made my decisions easier, and my life less complicated. I have a stronger love for others, now that I understand the need to love myself, regardless of my downfalls. I No longer have to worry or waste energy on striving for perfection, with an imperfect brain in an imperfect body, and living in an imperfect world. Becoming as a child again, to be teachable, and open to the fact that I know nothing and accept it, is truly humbling.
I have an understanding of The Humanity Party and would like to help work for all of humanity to have the basic needs and to be a part of wiping out poverty in this dispensation of time. It would be a great honor for me. I am grateful for you C, the Brothers, and the MWAW, for the Real Truth, The Sealed Portion, and all that you have shared, and answers to questions that no one else could answer. I have some new knowledge and understanding that gives me new perspective of life and this reality. I have a newfound sense of Peace and Calm. I can never go back to the old way of thinking and living. I am grateful for all of you that have made an impact on me for the better. I have learned a lot!! It’s NOT about ME! It’s all about this important WORK!! I look forward to the new books coming out so I can continue to learn and apply it as I go forward. My hope is to continue being part of the MWAW, sharing its books and serving my fellowmen in all aspects according to my abilities in accomplishing its purpose. I also would love to get to know more of you better. All my love and gratitude,