I pretty much was born in the Mormon church to wonderful parents. I had a wonderful happy childhood. My Dad never joined and parents got divorced when I was 12 yrs old. Mom became inactive when I was around 14, but my sister and I stayed as valiant as we could be, not only to be good examples for them, but we truly believed. The church was a driving wedge between me and my first nonmember husband and we got divorced after 15 years of marriage and 5 kids. It wasn’t the only reason, but it did play a part. I did what I thought was right the second time by marrying a valiant Mormon in the temple. I knew the church was true and I was the typical “Molly Mormon” and magnified every calling they gave me. I did my genealogy, paid my tithing, studied my scriptures, attended all my meetings and was pretty sure I was going to be welcomed into celestial heaven when I died. It was my life and I was pretty happy being this person.
I loved reading scriptures and we were counseled to read from the best books. I read many of the lost books of the Bible, Book of Enoch, and other books claiming to be scripture other than the basic four in the church. I was always looking for more. I craved new information.
In 2009 and 2010 some friends and I started going to something called The Radiant Rose Academy where a man named Usa channeled ascended masters. It was so spiritual and I had read many books associated with Saint Germain, “I am discourses” by Godfre Ray King, and many, many others. These meetings were so good I thought that if kids were raised with this type of meetings they would never fall away from the church. They seemed not to conflict with my Mormon beliefs and I could always fit the new information together with the church. Except for one thing. Reincarnation. It seemed all of the groups and things I was involved in at the time believed this.
At one of the conclaves I picked up a book that was pretty convincing about this guy who thought he was a famous composer in a past life. It was so believable I started to wonder why the church doesn’t believe in reincarnation so I looked it up in Bruce R McConkie’s “Mormon Doctrine” and decided to search out where he got his information on why we didn’t believe in it. I was pretty surprised when his references didn’t say that there was no reincarnation. I searched the church websites for more information but found none. In desperation I decided to do the “Joseph Smith” thing and ask God myself and opened myself to whatever answer I got.What followed was a series of events that opened my mind to multiple lives. I wondered, “If reincarnation or multiple lives was true, what else could the church be wrong about?”
At the next conclave I met someone that mentioned that they had read “The Sealed Portion of the Book of Mormon.” I was intrigued and excited to try and find and order it.
When I got home I search the internet for it but couldn’t find it. As a Primary President at the time I needed a picture of someone’s rendition of the Urim and Thummim. I found a picture of Christopher holding it in his hands but that wasn’t the picture I was looking for and ignored it for a while. Weeks later something made me go back to it and it linked me to Sealed Portion. I immediately ordered it.
I was deep into reading it during the next Rose Academy conclave and couldn’t put it down through the meetings. I was so conflicted because if The Sealed Portion was true then Usa and everything there was not and the church was not. If Usa was true then The Sealed Portion was not true. I was in deep conflict when the mediation part of the conclave came. During this part they played beautiful music. That one they stayed form their usual piano and played the Beatles song “Let It Be.” When it kept repeating “There will be an answer, Let it Be,” I felt the message was just for me and brought me to tears. I had to just let it be for now, because there was going to be an answer. That was the last conclave I went to. They cost hundreds of dollars and the things that the sealed portion rang true, true, true about the real truth should be free. Which also made me question tithing in the church. For church to be free made a lot of sense. And to have to pay tithing to go to the temple where the most important thing you do in life, it suddenly seemed very wrong.
So I was beginning to support the idea that multiple lives was true which put a real damper on families sealed together for eternity. How could we be born into the same family with same parents and have the same children each time if it was true?
I read all of the books Christopher wrote as they were printed and my biggest hurdle in believing them was I had truly believed the church was true, so if it wasn’t, how am I to believe anything else is. I could no longer follow my Holy Ghost feelings if it could lead me wrong. I thought Usa was the real deal and then I decided he was a fraud. I would listen to Christopher’s live shows and it sounded so good and believable, but after they were over I would question my feelings. Now I couldn’t trust myself. But Christopher had all the answers that fit together so perfectly and logically. It was years of this conundrum I felt. But I couldn’t stop listening and reading his books and blogs. Everything made sense. Everything was logical. I don’t know at what point that I threw in the towel and drank the Kool-Aid so to speak, but I have been following the work since about 2011. I ultimately figured I would believe it for now and if something I liked better came along and gave myself the freedom to be wrong and go with the new thing. This work satisfied all of my questions and made so much sense that it no longer mattered if I found out later it was hogwash.
Up until March 2018 I kept going to the church because my husband was a diehard Mormon and I didn’t want to conflict his with ego or disappoint him by being the rebel. After all that is what I admired so much about him when we got married. He had an image to uphold with the congregation. I felt like my eyes were opened to the hypocritical and judgmental attitude it portrayed. It was hard to keep pretending that I supported it and would only accept callings to work in the nursery with the babies. It just kept reassuring to me that this new work, the Marvelous Work and a Wonder was right after all.
In 2019 we filed for divorce. There were many more reasons than my new beliefs for our break up, so it would have happened anyway, but now I could be who I wanted to be. We were married for over 28 years with 13 kids and 32+ grandkids between us. This was not a light decision.
I want to support The Humanity Party with the solutions to ending poverty. Something that the Mormon church was not able to accomplish even thought they claim to be Prophets of God and have this direct line of communication with Him.
My life is so much more enjoyable since finding the Marvelous Work and a Wonder. The best part is all guilt is gone and I am perfectly OK with not being Celestial material. I went from being the most conservative Mormon to being much more liberal. I no longer judge how others live their lives. I no longer believe that there are evil spirits or angels trying to influence me. I take full responsibility of who I am and how I am living my life. I don’t have to bother saying prayers, doing genealogy, being a missionary, paying tithing, writing in my journal, going to countless meetings, and the feeling of guilt-free is wonderful!! I can be who I truly am and want to be.
Laura Erickson
frghisnhrs@hotmail.com
808-646-1659
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