I have been asked to write about who I am and my life. I was actually thinking of doing this a few days ago as a lot of you don’t know who I am. So, here it goes!
I was born in a small house in Melba (yes I was born in a house). I have 7 sibling, and a mom and dad I’m very happy I picked. (Kurt and Monica smith)
Growing up we where homeschooled for reasons I found out later in life were because my dad hated his public school experience. I was picked on a lot by my big brothers and sisters as all children are(I think). I had bigger cheeks which made me a prime target for the hazing.
When I was about 5 I saw how much my mom struggled to get everything done for the big family we had. 8 kids in a small house with three rooms and one bathroom never made life easy for many of us. So, I just decided I was going to be the one to always help my mom when I saw she needed it. For reasons I now realize were and are because I can’t help myself when someone needs help.
When I was about 7 my family left the church. Which for a 7 year old didn’t seem like that big of a change. I can actually remember thinking it just seemed like a lot of work on my mom to try and get everyone ready for Church and looking nice to sit in two rooms for three hours(which was all I could stand there). I didn’t like church other than the fact I got to fall back a sleep on my dads lap, and I could color or do my own thing while my siblings were quiet haha.
Life was good other than the millions of jobs my mom made everyone do, not to mention the 15 bushels of peaches, pears and apricots my mom made us can every summer. I build forts with the cows we had on our property out of wood, and you could hardly ever find me inside when it was warm out there. I loved the animals we had, they never picked on my like my siblings did.
When I was a little older I remember going to Christopers’ symposium. I tried to pay attention because it seemed like my bigger sibling and my parents thought it was important, which looking back it truly was. But all I wanted to do was explore the Libary that was so much different then I’d ever seen before. (And I loved exploring) but I sat and tried to listen. What he said made sense, even to me a 7 year old. I remembered thinking “this man makes more sense than those guys who talked at church.”
Later in life my mom and dad were always busy. The economy crashed and my dad lost work so he became a trucker. He was hardly ever home and I could tell my mom missed him a lot. So, being the person that always wants to help people when I see they aren’t happy, I took care of everything for my mom I could. I cooked meals for my siblings, I did laundry and cleaned (sometimes) so my mom could go on trucking trips with my dad. She always smiled when she got back with him from those. That to me, made it all worth it.
As I got older I chose for myself that I wanted to go to public school so I could have the same education as everyone else did. I was smart in math and I loved to read when I had the right book, but I knew there was a lot I wasn’t learning at home. So I chose to go to public school so I could see where I was at. Let me tell you my first day was very scary. But once I started to learn in a class room I soon realized I knew a lot more that a lot of kids my age. I was ahead in math and I knew way more about science than I originally thought. I got home and the first thing I said to my mom was those kids could use some years homeschooling so they could catch up.
I chose to go full time so I could graduate. I met most of the closest friends I have now at school and I loved having more than two friends. Life was good and busy and I liked it that way. They all thought I was different, I think that was because I was kind to everyone and I always put them all before myself. The MWAW taught me to do that (as well as my mom) senior year things went down hill… all my friends moved out of the school because they were not Mormon, and the principle seemed to have an agenda against us all. He saw us as the “bad kids.”
I didn’t want to graduate anymore, every class was so easy. I felt like I was wasting my days. But I made a promise to myself I was determined to do it. So I did! I had a full time job after school and on every weekend so I was always toooooooo busy. Then I moved to Nampa and started a different life. Then, I moved back home to save money until my next adventure of life.
Through it all, I had The Work. The idea that nothing is more important that being kind to everyone I meet. Which made me great at customer service. Now I’m a Meat cutter at Albertsons, I was the supervisor of the seafood counter but I wanted to not be so stressed at 19. Now I’m 20, living back at home until I can find a good place to live for a while.
Going through a life story, even my own, it just seems like the MWAW showed me a bigger perspective. That everyone is right which makes everyone wrong. It’s made me more humble these past three years. It’s really grown on me in the last year specifically. I sort of went a way from it so I could figure out my own life. But I saw to much pain, heard to much hate and saw to much hurt in people not to make it a priority in my life. I tried to never be selfish about anything in my life (I have struggled) but this work Isn’t selfish. If I have learned anything this work is to help EVERYONE, and that’s always been my goal in life. And I couldn’t be happier in any other cult than this one.
Full transparency, because I have been asked what finally brought me to this work…
This has only been heard by very few of my closest friends… not even my mom knows.
I don’t think I ever told her, but… here it is.
I have been raped twice in my 20 years on this planet. Been in many situations where I felt I was to weak to escape if someone wanted to take me to bed and have their way with me.
Once was in high school, and because of this I ran as close to a strong man as I could get, that I knew I could trust. That man cheated, lied, manipulated me and made me feel like who I was wasn’t good enough for what he wanted. But, because I was so scared to go to parties, walks, new places without him I tried my hardest to keep him close. That choice hurts me even today. It hurt my mom, and my family didn’t understand. But I couldn’t hurt my dad like that, I couldn’t tell my baby sister why I chose a man that tore me apart emotionally all the time.
The second was no more than 7 months ago. And again I tried to run to someone I knew was physically stronger than me to protect me.
Because of those experiences, and many more I don’t care to remember I chose not to think about myself. I wanted to know how to fix it, for everyone in the world. I know woman and men HAVE to do that to themselves to even eat. That hurts my heart more than anything I have experienced in this life.
I KNOW this work would fix those problems and many, many more with this world. I finally decided to fight for everyone. No one deserves to go through these types of things. I have looked for other ways. None other than THIS work would ever stand a chance to save the world. I believe in this work because nothing else in all of history has ever worked long term. I love this work and everything it represents. And I thank you all for creating a place where I may feel peace in this world.