Written by Joshuah Spencer
Feb 18, 2023
My story goes back to 1988. April 27th. 12:30pm Mountain Time.
My name is Joshua Nathaniel Smith Spencer.
My parents divorced when I was just a baby, so I never knew my biological father. I have 4 older brothers, and one younger brother. No sisters.
My mother took care of my brothers and me when I was just a child. She struggled to make ends meet, but she somehow managed; at least she did the best she could.
We lived in a small RV house, 5 boys and a single mother. We mostly ate Cheerios and spaghettios to get by. We didn’t have much, but we had each other to rely on.
My mother had a very rough life growing up as a child. She was considered the black sheep of her family. She had a hard time fitting in, and struggled even more with her faith. She was the oldest of 8 children.
She ran away from home at an early age.
My grandma and grandpa were divorced. While I was growing up. My grandmother was very prominent LDS; my grandfather was not a member.
I had a traumatic childhood and went through a lot of abuse and trauma so parts of my childhood are bleak or I don’t remember parts of my childhood. My mind has blocked them out.
I was ran over by a car, at the age of 3, which should have killed me but it didn’t. This would later prove to me that there was a purpose for my life, and the MWAW would become a great part of my life, hence the reason I’m still here.
But back to my story.
My mother struggled with addiction, which eventually led to my brothers and I going into foster care, and My mother ended up in prison for a part of my life.
I remember moving from foster home to foster home growing up as a child.
My first foster parents weren’t religious and didn’t go to church. Back then (Age 4-5) I didn’t even know what religion was or that there was such a thing.
I loved my foster family very much. But they couldn’t take care of me, and I had to move into another foster family.
This time it was a young couple with no children. They weren’t really the religious type either but they wondered about God and life, and sometimes went to various churches in search for answers to life.
I remember going to church with them for the first time, and wondering WTF was going on!? People were shouting and singing, and dunking each other in a big tub of water, and drinking wine and eating little pieces of bread. It fascinated me but freaked me out at the same time and made me very uncomfortable.
It was at the age of 5 that I began to wonder about life. Who I was.? Where I came from.? What was life about? I had a pretty traumatic childhood. So I began to grow up early as a child and wonder about these things.
I loved every one, and saw all people as the same as me, and equal to me. I didn’t see myself above or below anyone.
I wasn’t the smartest kid in school and I didn’t have a lot of friends. I was very shy and enjoyed playing alone By myself growing up or watching movies or television. I also had an Atari and a Gameboy which was the s**** back then.
At the age of 6, I began to realize that I had done everything I was doing before in another life or many lives. I was not concerned for the welfare of my soul because I knew there was no reason to feel such a way. I existed and was happy and that was good enough for me. I didn’t see myself as bad or see anyone else as bad.
Suffice to say, I was happy as a child despite the difficult circumstances.
At the age of 7, my foster parents had a baby girl, so yet again it was time for me to move to another family, because my current parents could no longer take care of me. This time however, I went to stay with my biological grandmother.
This is when my life changed completely. I was introduced into the LDS church at the age of 8. I began to learn about Jesus Christ, the plan of salvation, the premortal existence, sin and repentance, and the Book of Mormon.
It was all new to me. I had never been part of a church before. I never believed in the Church, it was all foreign to me, and went against what I already knew as a child.
I was baptized at the age of 10, I didn’t really see the purpose in it, but I kept quiet and went along with it because I loved my family and didn’t want to hurt their feelings.
My grandmother forced me to read the Book of Mormon with her everyday. I hated it. But by the time I graduated high school, I knew more about the Book of Mormon than most of the people I knew.
I continued to struggle socially as a child, with making friends and academically. I was in counseling with psychiatrist for as long as I could remember.
One time as a freshman in high school, I told my grandmother why I didn’t go to church anymore, and I explained to her that she had been brain washed, I got a slap to the face for telling her that, so from that point on I kept quiet about my beliefs.
I always tended to hang out with the unpopular kids growing up. I never really got the whole “preppy” style or really got into school activities, sports, or anything that the other kids my age enjoyed.
I enjoyed art, and music, and video games.
Even though I was not allowed to have video games growing up…so I always went to my friend’s house to play video games or watch movies. There was TV but I only got 4 channels. Educational, news, and soap operas.
I was about 16 years old and smoked pot for the first time in my life. I loved the way it made me feel. And I loved my friends although they were unpopular and trouble makers.
Despite not believing in the church, the older I became the more I fell in love with the Book of Mormon. Although I didn’t believe in the church, I did believe in Christ, and the Book of Mormon. I also believed in Joseph Smith as a true prophet. But regardless of my beliefs, I couldn’t get past the feelings that there was something wrong with the church and life in general, and when I say wrong, I mean sickly wrong.
I never believed in education, or college. Church or religion. Sports or popularity. Wealth or power. I simply believed in being a good human and enjoying the simple things in life.
I realized the older I got that society was brainwashed as well through the news and through government, schools, and other things like the military etc.
I worked on farms growing up. I tilled the weeds in lavender fields with the Hispanic refugees and also worked in other places growing up.
Nothing was handed to me it always came at a cost.
I graduated high school and my struggles continued. I more than any time in my life argued with my grandmother about not agreeing with her lifestyle and explaining to her that I was happy being me and doing what made me happy.
I left My grandmas home at the age of 18 and moved in with my aunt and uncle. I got a job working as an inventory specialist and bought my own car, and fell in love for the first time in my life. With the lady who brought the mail into the warehouse.
I was content working and doing My own thing.
Eventually I was given an ultimatum. I was told that I needed to go to school or go on a mission. Or I had to live on my own. I chose a mission because I wanted to make My family happy and proud of me.
I began to prepare for a mission. To do this I decided I would read ALL the scriptures so I would know all there was to know about Christ and his Gospel. I started with the book of revelation because of its title. I read the whole book and didn’t understand a thing. So I went online and ordered a book, which was a study guide to the book of revelation.
I also read the whole Book of Mormon and prayed about the book as the book says. And I did receive a feeling that the book was legit.
I tried to read the bible but no matter how much I tried, I just kept putting it down. I didn’t enjoy it at all. The “God” of the Bible in the Old Testament was nothing like the God I had come to know, Jesus Christ.
The time came for me to go on a mission. I was called to Brazil, Fortaleza.
I struggled hard when I got to Brazil. My outlook on life changed forever. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was so different from home in the USA. The people were so very poor. The whole time I was in the MTC. Missionary training center, I could only think about the poverty and people who I was around. I struggled with learning the language and struggled with feeling guilty for all of my sins and people I had hurt in my life. I was racked with torment.
I thought praying in the temple might give me some peace or thought I might get some answers for life there. Because I prayed about the Book of Mormon and figured I could get an answer from praying.
No prayers helped. I could not get my mind off of the extravagant churches and temples, in contrast to the tiny houses people lived in that were falling apart. And how families could barely feed themselves, while on the other side of the globe in USA many have never went hungry or suffered from poverty.
Praying didn’t help it just left me feeling more empty.
I was sorrowful because I saw the temples in contrast to the poverty and struggle around me. And I couldn’t shake the feeling in my subconscious mind that this LDS church was evil and corrupt.
My depression on my mission became so severe I was sent home being suicidal.
I fell into addiction bad, again after leaving my mission, and began to self harm and wanted to kill myself because I thought I was a bad person, and I disliked the church I was a part of very much.
I fought with my family and became bitter, they eventually kicked me out of their home rightfully so, and for the first time I knew and felt and experienced having nothing and struggling with poverty.
Finally I decided to do something about it and applied and was accepted into Job corps. I continued to smoke weed, and do drugs to sway the feelings I had about the world, myself, and that evil church.
I went to Job corps for 2 years learning how to weld and fix cars.
Finally I graduated from Job corps and my mother agreed to let me go stay with her.
When I moved back into Colorado. I got a girlfriend and moved in with her.
It didn’t last long the relationship or staying with my mother. I didn’t get along well with her roommate. So I moved back into Utah.
I was homeless again for a time. Until I broke down and asked the bishop in my local ward for help. I spent the next 12 years on and off the street. Suffering from addiction, being suicidal, and hating myself and everyone around me.
I became a bitter person.
I was angry at God for the way my life was and for allowing the world to be the way it was.
Finally one day changed my life forever. I prayed and prayed and prayed for answers and got nothing. Until one day I was exhausted and began to fall asleep. I had a vision of God coming to me. Or maybe it was an angel? I looked closer at the figure in my dream or vision and I noticed that the figure looked familiar. It was me, talking to myself. From that moment on, I knew there was more to life than I thought.
I started going back to church to give it one last try. Eventually I gave up after coming to the realization that Lucifer was my Ego, the church was deceived, and I was a God or an angel because the vision or dream I had in my mind.
One night I googled what is life about or what is reality, and I was somehow lead to a video Titled Human Reality Who we are and Why We Exist.
I realized that Lucifer was our Ego from years of searching for answers and studying and pondering about life, the church, Christ, and the devil.
It was 2014. I worked at Walmart as a cashier and shelf stocker. Finally I quit my job and decided to try to start a new life in California.
I moved to California to stay with my brother.
When I got there, I was getting off the bus and a Hispanic guy asked if I wanted to buy some weed. I bought it for 20 dollars. As soon as I left the bus station, I saw All the people on the streets and the homeless. I again saw the ravine between the Rich and the poor.
I went straight to Hollywood and began to yell to the people there. I was trying to warn them that this was Babylon and that we as humans were killing ourselves. No one listened, they just kept walking.
Some paramedics looked at me and I asked for their help, but they said I was fine and left.
Before I went to leave Hollywood strip, two officers apprehended and arrested me. I got into an argument with the police and yelled, “Well if you think I’m so evil, why don’t you just shoot me?” I was thrown into the back of the cop car. Eventually the cops let me go because I was from Utah and they had nothing on me in California.
I finally went to my brother’s and realized that for the first time in my life I was schizophrenic. While in California, I had a major breakdown.
I decided there was nothing for me in California so I went to get help in Utah.
I was yet homeless again.
Around this time, my mental state had gotten pretty bad. I knew that the whole world was corrupt and especially the LDS church. I knew the church was corrupt because the Book of Mormon taught it. It’s right there in Helaman, and 3rd Nephi, 2nd Nephi, and Alma. That the church was under a deep sleep, and the leaders became corrupt having their hearts set on the things of the world, and the lust of the flesh.
Abinadi preached repentance to the wicked priest of his day, and Alma the Younger believed Abinadi. And was killed by the priest! In his church, this church!
In Third Nephi, the church was covered in darkness. The judges and leaders all corrupt.
Helaman states there began to be separation between the Rich and the poor.
2nd Nephi taught about the church of the devil, which the LDS church is a part of.
I remember when they were building the Provo temple, the new one. I snuck inside one night, because I was dead set on getting an answer to my heartfelt, prayers. Once and for all. I climbed all the way to the top point, by the chandelier. I pled, and begged, and asked, and prayed and prayed, tears falling to the ground. I got nothing but silence, no answer, no small voice, no light, or angel, or experience, just dead silence. This was after my family left me alone because I wanted nothing to do with that religion again. Still crying my eyes out, I stumbled across the street somewhat drunk. All I remember is looking up and seeing a painting of a lotus flower, and knew it was my angelic self (that’s what I called it at the time). Some call it higher self, others the true self, I simply know it as my eternal self. I felt perfect peace come over me. I didn’t get an answer to my prayers, but that was the beauty of it. There was no answer, nothing to search for, or ask for, or obtain. No ranks of leadership, no vain repetitious praying, no crazy preacher, no scriptures mingled with the philosophies of men. No, guilt. No punishment. No kingdom in the sky. No hell or anguish. All but one thing. I asked myself, “Why haven’t I helped more people in the world with keeping the gospel of Matt 5,6,7 and had more charity?” I was too caught up in the things of the world, I almost got lost because the darkness over my perception was so thick I couldn’t see myself anymore. I had nothing to hold onto, except my love for myself and my love for the Book of Mormon. This all happened in 2014.
After this happened.
One night I went to McDonald’s to get a drink and something to eat. As I got my meal, I was walking to my table to sit down and eat, when I looked over and saw a man reading a book about revelation. I asked him what he was reading and we began to talk. His name was Burke, and he told me about the book and told me about the Marvelous Work and A Wonder.
He asked me if I wanted to attend a symposium for the Marvelous work and a Wonder. I agreed and the following week I found myself in the symposium asking questions to a true messenger.
I knew that he, Christopher, was a true messenger because everything he said agreed with what I believed and already knew about some things. And the rest of what he taught and said just made so much sense.
Christopher handed me a book after the symposium and asked me to read it.
It was a book about Joseph Smith.
I attended a couple more symposiums after, I have gone to meet n greets, I have met Christopher and listened to his words and read some of his Books, and I can truly say this Marvelous Work And A Wonder is the Real Truth about humans, our world, and religion, and politics, science, and much more.
I read as many books as I could that came from the Marvelous Work and a Wonder. It was like someone took the missing puzzle pieces and put them in my brain.
As time went on, I remembered the book I started reading before my mission was called 666, the Mark of America, Seat of The Beast -The Apostle John’s New Testament Revelation Unfolded.
I just couldn’t get enough of the Work.
I read the Sealed Portion of the Book of Mormon and all my questions were answered.
I have to read Human Reality Who we are And Why We Exist.
The Joseph Smith Biography.
I don’t hate people anymore. I’m not a bitter person like I used to be. I love people again no matter who they are. I know who I am, what my purpose is. I have received answers about why religion is corrupt, and what we need to do to fix the world.
I love Christopher and thank him for all he has done, and the Real Illuminati, to change my life. For the best.
My life has been changed positively and I see the world in a different light.
The light of the sun, reflected off the moon, bringing light to a darkened world, which is hard to see in.