“The time has come, the walrus said, to speak of many things…” (Lewis Carroll)
I feel I have been searching for Christopher my whole life. Before I found him, I had to experience a long, hard road of adversity and difficult experiences. This is my journey to finding Real Truth.
I was born in Grand Rapids, Michigan on November 15, 1954. From there we moved to Indiana (1955), Massachusetts (1956-1960), Orlando, Florida (1960-1968), Buffalo, New York (1968-1975), and lastly Idaho Falls, Idaho (1975-1976).
I grew up in a strict home with one brother (two years older) where we were raised to be seen and not heard. My dad was in control while my mom was very submissive and subservient. I was very shy, was bullied, and had low self-esteem. Moving so many times, I never formed any close relationships.
Boys were my nemesis … my downfall. I allowed them to take advantage of me. My first experience was a date rape and from then on, I felt used and abused. Sex was even the foundation of my relationship with my future husband, which led to an unwanted pregnancy before marriage. I had an abortion one month before our wedding, driving to Salt Lake City right after to attend a bridal shower given by my fiance’s Mormon family.
I was married on October 9, 1976.
When my family had moved to Idaho Falls in 1975, I did not know what a Mormon was. That changed very quickly. Every time we visited Salt Lake City, my husband’s family would bring us to the Visitor’s Center but being the stubborn person that I was, I rebelled, rejected, and resented the Mormon religion. It wasn’t until three years of marriage and the birth of two daughters that I began to realize that something was missing. I reflected on my “past sins” and now having two spirits from heaven, I wanted to be an “eternal family”.
I just happened to turn on Conference and there was President Kimball talking about repentance, prayer, the Word of Wisdom, and eternal families. And, what a coincidence, the missionaries were at my door a week later.
I had to get special permission from the General Authorities to get baptized because of the abortion. On Halloween night, 1979, I was baptized. One year later, we were sealed to each other and our children for all time and eternity in the Idaho Falls temple.
And, so it was, that I gave away my power to men … to my husband who I put on a pedestal, and now to the men in the church. I loved everyone more than I loved myself so I allowed them to assign me my roles in all aspects of my life.
From 1977, when my first child was born, until 1990, when my last child was born, my family grew to five girls and one boy.
I dedicated my life to my children and the church and I sacrificed everything for the building up of the kingdom. I lost myself. I was so distracted by the “social” aspects of the church that I never had the time to research the doctrine of the church.
I gave 110%, trying to hold the family together while we were in financial ruin.
In April of 1997, my world came crashing down. My marriage was NOT working. I fell into a deep, dark pit. It took me five months of soul searching to finally ask my husband for a separation. It was time to put myself first but since my husband could no longer control me, he began to destroy me. It was very hard to shake the guilt I was feeling … I had an intense need for approval!
It took over two years for our divorce to be final. I took out a bankruptcy and walked away, trying not to look back.
My now ex-husband was still hell-bent on destroying me. He used the children against me and convinced them that it was all my fault!
I decided to go back to school to get my degree in Psychology and Child and Family Studies. I also got a job at UPS in July, 2000. I was still giving my power to men by working with a “boy’s club mentality” which brought on all new issues.
This is where my journey of introspection started. I was being forced to face my own reality … who I was, and why I was here. I was forced to “look inside”. I began studying and researching everything. I became a Gnostic, seeking knowledge about myself. I believed in reincarnation and free will. I believed that the Kingdom of God is within and you had to love yourself before loving others.
I graduated in 2002 but still felt worthless.
At work, I was dealing with sexual harassment. Through fear and intimidation, I lost my ability to think critically, but I started researching. I stood up to UPS but they would never take responsibility. They just paid me off to silence me.
The search for truth has taken a toll on me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I would spend the next ten years fighting to keep my job at UPS while trying to hold them accountable, trying to buy my children’s love, and being destroyed on National TV. I know that it was important for me to go through these experiences to prepare me for the Real Truth. I was groomed by emotional predators who took advantage of me for their own gain but the Real Truth helped me escape.
In February, 2014, I came across the Marvelous Work and a Wonder and knew I had found the Real Truth. I was able to recognize it through common sense and logic. I had finally learned the answer to the questions I had from a young age … who I really am and why I exist.
I no longer trusted power and authority of any kind that put one person over another. I was on a path of intrinsic exploration that led me to MYSELF. I recognized that I knew the Real Truth as a child. Then it was taken away from me, but Christopher has helped me to REMEMBER. It brings me comfort and peace from emotional struggles.
I love the MWAW! For me it is heaven on Earth! I have finally found my community.
We are different. We do not fit into the main stream. My search for truth and my experiences have brought me to Garden Park (my Garden of Eden) where I reside as my True Self to eternally participate in the important experiences of mortal life. I am finally home! I feel stronger today than ever before, thanks to the MWAW!
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