This is my story.
I’m a believer in doing something all at once, especially if it’s something I dread, so if you can remain with me while I tell my whole story, you’ll come to understand who I’ve come to be.
As far back as I can remember, I’ve always been a daydreamer. I think I’ve spent most of my life dreaming about what could be, rather than focusing on my surroundings. I remember in school I spent hours sitting at my desk, staring out the window, while other people spent their time paying attention in order to get good grades. I was not one who cared about or could focus long enough to learn the things that my teachers were trying to teach me.
What were my daydreams about?
January 1, 1970, Gurnie Lee Cook and Susan Gayle Price became my parents. I don’t want to go into a lot of detail about their history because this story might get a bit long but I’ll just tell you that both of them were born and raised in South Carolina and were very religious.
At the time that they were married, Dad was in the Air Force as an Air Traffic Controller. After the Air Force, Dad sought out and became a police officer in San Francisco, CA.
Mom was a stay-at-home-mom who didn’t do much staying at home. I don’t blame her for that because she had to live with a man who seemed he was angrier than he was ever happy with his situation. We were raised by different babysitters, two of whom I thought were my aunts until I got much older and learned that they were not relations at all.
Where I grew up, and during that time period, most of my time was spent wandering the neighborhood and playing with friends. I remember when I was at play was when I was the happiest. I could use my imagination to be and do whatever I wanted. All that I ever wanted was to remain in that state of play because then I didn’t have to think about being left without my mom with one of several different babysitters.
I remember the horrible times the babysitters must have had with me because of what a sensitive child I was. When Mom would leave, I would spend what seemed like hours, crying for her to come back. The babysitter would try to console me but I usually cried myself to sleep, even if it was during the day.
Many of my dreams at night would take me away to places where I would long to be during the day. I remember one recurring dream that I would have, probably from watching too much TV. I remember that I went to Charlie’s Chocolate Factory and the owner of the factory was my dad and I was raised with the Oompa Loompas and it was always a very happy dream.
My Little Sister
Susannah Kate Cook, born in 1971, was my “twin” sister, not in reality, but in everyone’s mind when they would meet us. We looked very much the same, both with blond, curly hair, and blue eyes and we were close to the same size. People often mistook me for a girl. She was my best friend. We were inseparable. She was always kind and loving to me.
My Dad Was My Hero
Dad was a policeman. He carried a gun and had a badge. He was one of the good guys. And he was stronger than anyone I knew. His background was a BYU football player. I heard stories of how he could hit people and their bones would break. I always looked up to him but a big part of that was a fear of him – a fear that with all that strength, what could he do to my brothers, my sister, and I when he got angry.
I remember being kindly brought up the stairs by my mom. My dad and brothers and sister were sitting at the kitchen table. Mom lovingly held me from behind by my shoulders. I think she knew I was in for a scolding from Dad. Right there, in front of my brothers and sister, his words were, “It looks like this boy is going to wear diapers for the rest of his life. I don’t think he’s ever going to stop wetting the bed.”
It was events like this, that caused me to slip into daydreaming. The more my dad humiliated me in front of people, the more that I could go into my mind, at that very moment and be somewhere else. I had perfected a way to remove myself from the situation so that I could be in a better place than I was while he scolded me.
I don’t know why I wet the bed so much. I don’t remember ever having a dry night until maybe the age of nine or ten. But I know this, I slept harder than anyone I knew. I could sleep through anything.
I was not only a bedwetter, but I was a sleepwalker. Time and time again, my dad, in front of his friends, would remind me of a story of when he came home from work, turned on the light, and I was standing on the dining room table, peeing in the punch bowl. He told me that he pulled off his belt and knocked me off the table but it didn’t wake me up and he had to put me back into my bed. I don’t remember the experience, but I remember the humiliation of Dad telling that story over and over.
Because of my bedwetting, Dad demanded from my mom that I be kept in diapers so that I didn’t ruin yet another mattress. I remember him taking me shopping for a new mattress and telling the store employees how he needed to buy a new mattress because I wet the bed. He was never concerned about my privacy.
Because my mom was gone a lot, I don’t have a lot of memories of her. The most wonderful memories I have of her was how kind and loving she was as she diapered me and tried to console me, telling me it was okay. This repeated action by my mom would become a problem later on.
Remaining a Little Child
Earlier, I left the question unanswered, “What were my daydreams about?”
My daydreams were always about being accepted as a little child, remaining that way with baby things – bottles, diapers, pacifiers, toys, and other baby items. My daydreams were a continuation of my night dreams. I would dream that I was back at the chocolate factory and with Willy Wonka, running around in my diapers, enjoying my baby things with the Oompa Loompas, and everyone loved and accepted me.
Family Home Evening
Sex, drugs, and rock and roll…
Dad, being who he was, a police officer, a religious police officer, everything in his mind was from the devil. He wanted to make sure that none of his children fell for anything the devil dished out.
I remember my dad would come home from work with stacks of mug shots. He would explain to his children how these women that he was showing us were not really women, that they were all men dressed as women, and what an abominable sin that was to God. Homosexuality, cross-dressing, any kind of sexual deviancy was clearly a sin in my dad’s eyes. He used to tell of how San Francisco was nothing more than Sodom and Gomorrah and he hoped one day God would call him to stand on the mountaintops with a blow torch and burn it all down.
He put the “fear of God” in us, not only about sex, but also about drugs. He had numerous charts that he would use to teach us during Family Home Evening of which drugs to stay away from, pretty much all of them. He had horror stories of what they would all do to us.
I couldn’t please my dad. Maybe I could please God.
Most of the time when my dad was angry at me or my brothers and sister, it caused me to believe that God must be angry with me. As far back as I can remember, I’ve always had a desire to please my earthly father, but if I couldn’t do that, I could definitely be able to please my heavenly father. I was a very obedient, deliberate child.
The combination of the above circumstances created a great fear for me of sex. I was terrified of sinning by having a sexual experience with another person. Yet my body grew up and began to have sexual feelings.
When I was about eight years old, I started to feel sexual sensations when I would move around in my wet diaper. The physical sensation felt pleasing to me and I learned how to masturbate because of that. After masturbating, I found that I slept better, which brought me to my happiest place, in my dreams.
As I developed, I was able to safely relieve my sexual tensions, and other stresses during the day by masturbating, as a baby (who is innocent and can’t sin), without hurting anyone else and without displeasing God. I never developed as most men developed, with an attraction to women (or even men) in a sexual way. I contained and controlled my sexual desires to be relieved only in the safest way I knew how to, as a baby.
I have always been a very sensitive person. When I was exposed to horrible stories on the news as a child, I would retreat to my room and cry. I have an older brother but he never protected me and my younger siblings. He was aloof from the family and by the time he was sixteen he was into girls and out of the house. I then felt the responsibility fall on me to protect.
When my dad was angry with my sister or two younger twin brothers, he would remove his belt and fling it at them so hard and with such accuracy as to throw them across the room into the wall, hard enough to leave a hole in the wall.
There were many instances of abuse from my dad. I won’t go into them in order to keep this story on track, but it influenced me tremendously in my development.
This crushed me. It was every desire of my heart to protect people from being hurt – my family and everyone else in the world who was suffering.
Trouble with the Law
Mom and Dad’s constant fighting caused them to divorce when I was eighteen. I think it was one of the hardest blows as a teenager that I had had up to that point because I had always been taught that families were forever. So now, because of the diapers and daydreaming, I needed to have that escape again to relieve my stress, only I didn’t have any diapers.
I remember walking to a local nursing home and walking down the hallway until I discovered a cart of adult diapers. I took two or three and walked out of the building.
A man, probably the director of the facility or someone else in authority there, followed me outside and confronted me. I followed him back into the nursing home. He brought me into his office and called the police and I was arrested. I was eventually released with just a slap on the wrist but this began my experiences with the law. This would happen repeatedly throughout my life, when I had no other access to diapers, in my attempt to relieve the stress and pressures that I was forced to deal with in my life.
During my daydreaming, I would fantasize or dream about how children were allowed to run around in public in their diapers. As an adult, I began to act upon these desires, periodically going out in public, to a park or somewhere, in just a shirt and my diaper. This became part of my addiction – the adrenaline rush that came from being caught in my diaper. I have been in trouble with the law over and over again because of this great desire to be accepted in the way that I most wanted to be, as a child. In my mind, I felt that everyone accepts children. I wanted to feel that love and acceptance in the only way I felt it could be done … as a child.
Finding the Work
Dad used to carry a Book of Mormon in his back pocket. His devotion to this book caused a curiosity in me. I became obsessed with reading the Book of Mormon. I probably read it at least 25-30 times by the age of 25. I wanted to know what God wanted of me.
I don’t know whether it was my own desire to know what God was about or the fact that I was raised in such a religious family that caused me to start searching for how I could make God happy. I just know that desire started from a very early age.
Wanting to find the truth about what I could do to please God, after a lot of experiences with men who claimed to have that authority, my dream finally came true. I discovered the Marvelous Work and a Wonder. This changed my life. This answered my questions. This has brought me peace.
Our Messenger has asked us to “be like a child” but I have one-upped you all. I AM a child.
Naked in the Garden
If I’m truly going to become as a little child, I feel I need to continue my story as I developed sexually.
I realized how wonderful it felt to masturbate in my diaper. I didn’t know what I had discovered was sex. I thought it was something I had discovered and no one else knew about.
I remember thinking it brings me so much happiness so then I needed to share this feeling with my two younger twin brothers. I would diaper them and rub the front of their diapers. I did not show my sister because I didn’t know if girls would get the same wonderful feeling.
As I got older, I remember my dad explaining what masturbating was. I remember thinking, is that what I’m doing? Had I molested my brothers? I was sixteen when he explained it to me. I remember being devastated.
I remember I prayed to God to forgive me for what I did not know. How was I to know? I think this experience is what drove me to find out what I could do to know what God wanted of me, how could I ever be forgiven, would I ever be worthy, or was I going to hell?
I knew I was different. I didn’t know anyone who liked wearing diapers at my age. I thought I was completely alone. I often thought of suicide. I think these thoughts drove me further into my world where I could remain a baby. I would not hurt anyone again.
I told God if he would forgive me, I would never hurt a child again. I did not feel worthy of love from anyone or from myself. I needed to feel approval from someone.
When Dad left Mom, he said he wanted to go to Mexico, where he could have a big house and a couple of maids. He said he could live like a king off his retirement. He told me if I didn’t go with him, I would never see him again. I knew my mom would forgive me. She always did. So, I left with my dad right after high school.
I went with my dad to Mexico. We were there a couple of weeks. Long story, short, he couldn’t speak the language, didn’t like the poverty, got frustrated, and we started traveling back towards Utah.
On the way back, Dad asked me if I wanted to go to Moab and meet a man named Bob Foster who was building homes inside a cave in a rock. This is where I began my building experience. If anyone would like to see what’s been done there, they can go to Netflix and watch Three Wives, One Husband.
Dating in a Polygamous Society
I remember Bob telling my dad that he would love for my dad to marry one or a few of his daughters. This was all about money, getting a hold of my dad’s police retirement, although I didn’t understand this at the time.
My dad started buying gifts for a young, fourteen-year-old girl, in an attempt to court her. He had no idea she was this young and when he found out, he immediately stopped. It was difficult to determine the age of these girls. They had been groomed to be mothers and wives and thus appeared to be much older and more mature than they actually were.
It was the practice in this community for the young women to be paired off with the older men. It was unusual to have a young, available nineteen-year-old man/boy in their midst. This created a lot of attention for me.
I became good friends with everyone there. I found a young, sixteen-year-old girl that I was drawn to. Over the next two years, she and I became very close. We kissed and touched but never had sex. I had never experienced having a girlfriend. I felt like this was something that God wanted me to do.
I was encouraged by this special girl to date other girls, including her sisters. So, I did. I dated many girls in that community. This was a big ego boost for me. It felt very good after having always had such a low self-esteem.
The youngest girl I dated at that time was twelve years old. I didn’t know she was that young when I dated her. When I found out, I felt terrible and guilty again. I do remember justifying it in my mind, though, because I remembered hearing stories from the older men of Joseph Smith being with younger girls.
Polygamy Commanded by God
While I was dating my special girlfriend, her older sister excitedly came to me and told me she had something to tell me. We went off by ourselves and she explained to me that she had a dream and she said in that dream, God had told her that she was supposed to be my wife. This confused me at the time because I was in love with her sister. But I thought, “Who am I to argue with God?”
I went to my girlfriend and told her what her sister had said to me. At the time, my girlfriend told me she was very excited and that she had always hoped that God would allow me to marry one of her other sisters as well.
So, this is what God wanted me to do! He wanted me to live polygamy. Maybe this would cure me of my desire to be a child. Maybe if I married more than one wife, God could fix me. I knew that in the Book of Mormon it spoke against polygamy but the men in this community taught me that that was unless people were commanded to do otherwise.
I married the sister, never being in love with her, simply trying to please God. I couldn’t stop thinking about her sister. After two years, that marriage ended and I was free to pursue the girl that I loved. I went back to the rock to be around her. In time, we married.
After being around Bob Foster for the next three years, and trying to live the Law of Consecration, but feeling more like I was being used as a slave for my hard work and my money, working hard, getting paid, and giving it all back to the community, my disillusion caused me to start seeking again to find if maybe I had made a mistake and was not in the right place.
My brother-in-law and I heard of a man named David Witmer, who was claiming to have met Jesus Christ, in person. He knew the scriptures very well, had a lot of cool stories, and wrote a lot of cool revelations.
After thirteen years of marriage, she knew it wouldn’t work and my marriage ended. I was on the floor crying, thinking I had failed God once again, and she walked in the room, threw the phone to me, and said, “Call David Witmer. He tried to get a hold of you.” So, I called David, with tears in my eyes, explaining to him what had happened, and he persuaded me to come and work for him in his housing company, Almega Homes, in St. George, UT.
The Sealed Portion
At one point, my dad had called me, telling me that this crazy man named Christopher had published the Sealed Portion and he asked me if I wanted a copy. I said, “Yes. Get it to me as quickly as you can.”
I read it. I loved it. But I still had too much confidence in David Witmer. I got word that David Witmer said it was made up. I was so discouraged and disgusted and so tired of being lied to that when I was driving down the road on my way to work, I threw the book out the window.
I stayed with David for six years and had a lot of great experiences. He was my friend. We spent a lot of time together. In time, David became controlling and I ended up leaving.
Search For Real Truth
Once again, out on my own, wondering what was the real truth, feeling like I had been fooled so many times by these religious men, I went on another search, but this time I was searching the internet. For three days, I didn’t sleep or eat. I was determined to find the truth. I remember being so tired and so disillusioned, not knowing which way to go. I felt overwhelmed by the amount of information provided on the internet, to the extent that without food or sleep I started becoming delusional and paranoid. At this point, I cried out, “What is the truth? I just want to know the fucking truth! I don’t care what it is.”
Right after this happened, the thought popped into my head, “Find out what that Christopher is doing.”
I googled his name, found a site affiliated with him called The Marvelous Work and a Wonder, and could not believe my eyes. I watched a video called Who We Are and Why We Exist and I was hooked.
At that time, Christopher had a weekly internet show. I started watching it. Over time, I read all the books. I met Christopher and came to know what a kind person he really is. I finally know that I found the person that I had always been looking for who could explain to me answers to every question I’ve ever had. I will spend the rest of my life doing everything that I can to support this wonderful cause. I am finally home.
A voice in my head
As I previously mentioned, I always wanted to please my dad. I sought for his approval to bring me value and self-worth. As I started my journey to try to find someone who I could rely on to provide me with answers, real answers that made sense to me, I came across a man named David Whitmer. This man gave seminars and went around teaching that he had a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. He had volumes of writings that he claimed came from his conversations with God.
For some reason, this made sense to me. I had always believed that if a person was going to get information, it should come directly from the source (If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of god).
I spent six years with David Whitmer. I built homes for him. His company was named Almega Homes (alpha and omega put together). He believed that it was his system of homes that would usher in the Millennium—that if we could build everyone a home we could eliminate homelessness. He had plans for feeding the poor that seemed, at the time, logical to me. I won’t go into the details on that.
David Whitmer spoke in “tongues.” This was one of the ways he claimed that God spoke to him. David claimed to speak an ancient Indian language. I remember one time he and I went to Zion’s National Park and as we stood there looking at the scenery, David began to vocally speak in tongues. I just sat and watched him. When I didn’t respond, he started again speaking in tongues. He looked at me and said, “What am I saying?”
I said, “I don’t have a clue what you’re saying.”
David Whitmer’s demeanor changed quickly. His response to me was, “When are you going to wake the fuck up?”
Normally, this wouldn’t have shaken me, but David Whitmer was a large man, about 6’3” and 270 pounds and his voice would boom. It shook me to the core. I know a lot of that had to do with my respect for David, believing that he spoke with God.
We continued on with our exploring the park but throughout that whole time I couldn’t concentrate on what we were doing. All I could think of was, why wasn’t I worthy to hear God’s voice too? I felt like I had disappointed David Whitmer, just like years before I had disappointed my dad.
Speaking with God
I did not believe in prayer. In my younger years, I did. But I had gotten to where I did not believe in prayer because it didn’t seem to work. So, I didn’t pray.
The next morning, I woke up early with one thing on my mind. I was going to speak to God. I did not vocalize anything. I got up and wrote down the first thought that came into my mind. After writing the first thought, the words seemed to flow out of me. This was something that I had never done before. I wrote about the experience that David and I had had the day before. It seemed to be coming from a place in my head that I had never used before and it certainly did not sound like me. I was astonished. I began to cry. It was subtle, yet powerful. I shared this experience with David and he embraced me and I seemed to have gotten his approval. And now the burden began.
David and I traveled a lot together. We’d get in his truck and go exploring. We’d drive all over the desert through Utah. Throughout our time together, we went to Missouri and Texas and everywhere we went, David would explain to me about ancient civilizations that used to live in the areas he would take me to. He would talk about how much wasted land there was in America and that his housing company, Almega Homes, could build new cities to give people a place to live with restaurants, bars, and movie houses.
I’m not sure if I still have the first revelation that I had, but if I can find it I’ll include it at the end of my story. I had a revelation about the City of Salt. It started out with the destruction of Salt Lake City. There was a great earthquake. It shook me to the core, it scared me so bad. The earthquake caused flooding and destruction that was horrendous.
After hearing this revelation, David Whitmer decided it was time to get out of Utah. I was working for a man who, up until this day, I still don’t know his name. He was a very secretive man who used aliases and, after thirteen years of working for him, I still don’t know his real name.
David Whitmer decided because Salt Lake City was about to be destroyed, we should take two of my boss’ work trucks that I was storing at my house. Somehow, due to my perspective on how my boss had treated me, I was able to justify taking these trucks. I told David that I had jobs I needed to finish up, so he told me he would take the first work truck and head to Texas and when I finished my jobs up I would follow him there. From Texas, he would text me, urging me to hurry so I could escape destruction.
Early one morning, I got up, packed my stuff, and headed to Texas. I turned my phone off.
We got to Texas and started to look around where we wanted to stay. We found a little rental house that had a great big yard where we could park the trucks out back.
It seemed almost immediately that David became very controlling. I used to enjoy getting up very early and walking across the street to a park where I could walk to clear my mind and think about all that had transpired.
Because I had done something that I had never done before (taken my boss’ trucks), I often wondered if I had made the right decision. It seemed David Whitmer got more and more controlling. He did not like me leaving the house to go clear my mind. He wanted me at home, reading certain books he had read, that he was convinced were true books.
One morning, he suggested that we take my boss’ two work trucks and place them in the front yard and set them on fire. Originally, the plan was to start a new company. Now he wanted to set them on fire. All I could think about was that those trucks were tied to me, not him. I knew I could spend a lot of time in prison for setting those trucks on fire.
Over the next three months of being in Texas, David became more and more controlling, speaking in tongues more often and demanding more and more revelations from me. He did the same thing he did in Utah, driving around Texas, speaking in tongues, believing we had found special places. I began to grow tired and leery of David Whitmer.
Early one morning, he had left the house to go to a café to eat breakfast without me. I realized it was my opportunity to get away from him. I took one of the work trucks and headed back to Utah. I drove straight through without stopping, without sleep. I needed to get away from David.
I got home, called my boss, apologized, and told him some of the things that had happened. He promised to take me back as long as I would come back to work for him. (My boss and I eventually took care of the second truck.)
Throughout my life, I had often felt loneliness. Because of my situation growing up, I never felt like I could relate to very many people. I was alone a lot in my own little world. And now I had left David Whitmer and felt alone again. I continued working for my old boss, in the yard care business, still wondering what was expected of me and my only comfort that I had was my “voice from on high.” I’m not saying now that that’s what it was, but at the time, that’s what I thought. I was an avid reader of the Book of Mormon and the scripture, Helaman 5:30 explains what I believed was happening to me. Now, I know only a True Messenger can help me to understand these things properly.
I would wake up in the early morning and listen to this voice, writing down the things that I heard. I still felt I wasn’t getting enough of the answers that I was seeking. There were times that I felt like a faucet was turned on in my head and that I knew certain things and wrote them down. Other times, there was nothing and it brought great loneliness. At the time, I was living in an RV park in a small trailer and each morning I would get up and pace back and forth as I listened to this voice in my head.
There was a period of time when I so wanted answers that I stayed up for three nights, practically begging and pleading. I almost felt, at times, I had become delusional, looking through the internet trying to find answers. In desperation, I yelled at the top of my lungs, “I just want to know the fucking truth. I just want to know what’s happening.”
And the voice in my head said, “See what that Christopher Nemelka is doing.”
I googled Christopher Nemelka and up popped A Marvelous Work and a Wonder® website, and all the books he had written. There was a video on his page, “Who we are and why we exist.”
When I watched that, I knew I had found my answers. I knew the moment I listened to that video, that this guy had the answers and he could tell me what was going on.
I had to meet this Christopher Nemelka. I started listening to a weekly program that he put on the internet and, on the program, he invited people to get together at Garden Park for a Meet N Greet. It seemed to me that he stared right at me through the camera and said, “Come on down and see us.” So, I made the decision to go and meet the people who were surrounding Christopher.
I’ve always dealt with a lot of social anxiety. I got on the freeway to go to the Meet N Greet and about halfway there started doubting myself and turned around and went back home. Then, after a bit at home, I started thinking again that I needed to go meet these people. I got on the freeway again, doubting myself the entire way.
I finally got there and started meeting so many nice people. I met a lady named, Monica Smith, who looked so happy. She was smiling when she came up to me to ask me who I was and how I had found the Work. I think very quickly she could tell I had not read all the books. I had told her of my experience with the “voice in my head.” She smiled and said, “You might want to finish reading the books.” Then, she smiled and walked away.
Since that time with Monica, I have read all the books and they have answered all of my questions. I look forward to the books that are yet to come. I have dedicated my life solely to this Work. It means everything to me. I never want to lose it. I have found peace from the answers that I’ve learned. I feel that I am finally at home and know, not only how to solve my own problems, but I now know the solutions to solving all of humanity’s problems.
I’m going to include some of my written revelations during my loneliest times when I was no longer around David. They were different than when I was with him, because those were tainted with his influence and a pressure to impress him. I have no interest in trying to start a new religion. I know they are not what I thought they were, but they brought me peace at the time. Perhaps our True Messenger can take this opportunity to explain what this is all about because I know that this does not just happen to me.
Here are some examples of David’s and my revelations:
David’s revelation, dated Feb 21, 1997:
“Greetings my sons, my brothers. Greetings, for I have brought you here this day for I desire to teach you more. For I see that you have stayed focused upon me and I see within your hearts that you have taken this within. And so I say great will be this day for you. For as you continue to focus upon all that I give you this day, great will the wondering’s and marvelous will be the things that you see. For marvelous were the things that you did last night, as you stepped through the veil as you have every night. So I ask you now to believe this, believe these things that happen. And as you do I give you glimpses of those things you did. I give you awakenings, I give you remembrances in minute detail, for I desire that you keep this walk of faith. But I give you these things so that as you believe your belief becomes complete, your belief becomes a part of you, so that all you do is believer. For that is the simpleness of this whole program, just to believe. For if you believe, I do everything for you. I guide you, I place you where you go, I give you all that you need, I give you your thoughts, I give you the words to speak. So you are free, you are free to be as I am.
“And as my brother David has spoken, do not deflect upon anything I give you except to be within yourselves. For anything outside of this becomes a distraction that takes you away. For you are my sons, my brothers. Do you think that I would offer anything to one of you and not to another? And as I have said many times before, all that I have is yours, each one of you, everything. There is nothing that I have that I will not give to you. For all I can say is that the only thing that keeps me from giving it to you is you. The only thing that keeps me from bringing me to you is you. So if you just believe, let me take your hand and bring you here. I will put those things before you that will bring you home. I will do the work. You just believe. That’s how simple it is.
“I have given you glimpses, I have had my servants speak of missions and steward ships and callings for you in different areas and different ways, but I have limited this very much so, for I could give you great details upon this. But I choose you not to focus upon these things, for I choose you to focus within and focus upon me. For none of these tasks, none of these missions can be fulfilled unless you are focusing on me completely. So Know this, that nothing will happen, nothing will be, you can do none of this but by me. So again I say turn back to this, believing me. Just believe and I will do all, I will give all, I will take you everywhere that you will go.
“And I had my brother Mark tell you that I have taken a seal up off of you, I have germinated the seed by taking a covering off of your eyes, And I have told you this so that you would believe this. So again I say, in everything that you do, everything that you say, everything that I give you, all I ask is that you believe, believe that which I give you, believe that I am in control. Believe that you trust me, just believe.
“So when I say that you are my chosen ones, just believe this. When I say you are my faithful ones and I see you in your perfection, believe this. When I put thoughts into your mind and you perceive them to be your own, you believe they are mine, believe this, believe that I speak to your heart. You believe that you are focused on me, you believe that every thought that I put within you is of me. You believe that when you love, you are radiating my live to everyone, you believe that I am guiding your hand, that I am taking care of your families. Those you have left and are not with you. You believe that I am God and that I exist, that I am real. Just believe, my sons, my brothers. Believe me. If you believe me I will show myself to you in the flesh, you will see me in my reality. You will know me, you will know who I am and who you are. This is how simple it is.
“So I ask you now, stand forth as the true, chosen sons that you are, believing this. Go forth, for you are those I am sending out on these varied missions and on these varied tasks. Do not be overwhelmed by them, for you are not doing the work, I am. All you have to do is believe and I will do it all. So step forth this day. Be joyous in your heart and believe that I am with you at all times and in all ways, and you will be surprised and amazed and joyous when you realize that this is really so. That the believing that you do becomes the reality and the truth of it. This is the only way, any other way is death. So I give this to you now, all of you who are here. If you believe me, I give you all that I have, which is eternal life, a life of bliss, a life of love for eternity, for ever and ever. And you will be with me, never to part, for I love you and desire to claim you. But I can only claim you if you claim me.
“So I ask you this day that when you open your mouth, believe that I am speaking my words through you, and my spirit, my love will testify to you that I am. And you will see the fruition of this, you will see these things that you will testify of come true in a short order and a quick manner and you will know that I am with you, for I am with you in all things. So go this day, for I have many great and wonderful things to show to you, to give to you. For great are the missions that you have and great are your callings. And many of my children will I be able to gather and bring home because you have allowed me to use you as the tools that I desire. So believe this and I will speak to you much this day. For I am your Father and I seal this up unto each one of your hearts, forever, even so, amen.”
One of my revelations, dated March 31, 2009, 3:26 am:
“Thank you for coming to the Knowledge of the Fathers. “God thought.” Now, God thought are those thoughts thought upon with father. Those thoughts put in you in the stillness of your soul. This is all that I did, was to come in direct thinking with my higher self. This is known as right thinking and all thinking thought upon, has power to bring into existence seed, or the beginning of life. All right thinking is you subjecting your thoughts to higher self. Did I not say? The Kingdom of Heaven is within. And so your mind coming in alignment or at one meant with your higher self, your “God mind”, Has the power to move mountains, heal the sick. Raise the dead and build the kingdom of heaven upon the earth. Each one of the sons will come to the knowledge of the Fathers, or to the Knowledge that has been buried within their own souls. For I would that you would liken your bodies unto the earth, that all that was subjected upon the earth would also be manifest in you, for I caused that there should be a record buried in the
Earth that testified of the Fathers, and Joseph did bring it forth at the promptings or will of the Fathers. I have also buried within each of the sons a seed about the knowledge of the Fathers, to be dug up from their own souls. Now I have not desired that they should be left alone in the planting this seed for that in its self takes authority from God or your higher self. This is why I have sent Christ with power from on high. For all power and authority comes from on high, or your higher self, or right thinking with God. So Christ mission is to redirect you to your proper self. Or direct your thinking or your focus to the Fathers. Which is your true self and has the greatest power to bring about ‘Gods will’, or your true will. Thank you for joining with the Fathers. Thank you for finding these treasures within your own soul, for this is the Kingdom of Heaven and the greatest treasure Known to man. Amen and amen…”
Another of my revelations, dated June 9, 2009, 3:30 am:
“’key to your heart’
“Thank you for awakening to my call. You’re beginning to see how my sons place other things in their hearts besides me, and if there is anything in your heart, then there is no room for me to shine into every corner. I need an empty home to dwell. I need a clean home to dwell. I will not compete with things. I will fill your heart up again. Just trust that I will do this. The things that man has chosen to place in his heart only collects cobwebs, only decays and rots and goes again back to dust. You cannot preserve the things you’ve placed in your homes (heart). But, if you desire, or if your desire be mine, I will fill your home with light to overflowing. I will fill your heart with my light, the light of Christ, where you will need to store no-thing. You will need to hold on to no-thing, no not your families, not your hobbies and not your habits, for you see, I will fill it with light into every corner, light that will come shining through every window, light that will shine out the doors and up the chimney. Through every crack in the walls and floor boards, you will be filled to overflowing. For you cannot contain my light. Then it will shine forth to others, then, it will shine forth so that all who see this light on a hill side will come from far off lands. They will say what is this light and how can I do the same. How do I shine upon a hill for all to see? How do I glorify my Father? Benjamin, if you will let go of the little bit that still ‘remains’ in your home, I will completely into you and fill you. I will be this light. I will help you like a friend who has come to move your furniture. Together we will make light work of it. But when your ‘work’, when your burden is shared or lightened, then it becomes worth doing, worth perusing, does it not? Now if you can in vision me filling your whole heart or home. I will do the work. Your burden will be mine. And if you will go and step aside, I your father will take the keys to your home. And I will not lock it up again. But I will open all the windows and all the doors and I will reside there. I will welcome all who come, to behold such a home. That would allow the spirit of God to preside. Then if this be your desire, it will glorify me, who am God and not the ego, not the ‘you’ (ewe). But the ‘I am’, the Christ. Let me do this for you. I will do this for you, even so amen.
“The previous revelation came in answer to a dream where I was walking down a dirt road. I came upon a house up on a hill. I continued on to the house and proceeded to walk in. When I tried the front door, I found that the house was locked up tight. So I walked around to look inside the window and it was covered with sheets. So I looked off to the side of the sheet and could see furniture that had been covered in sheets. On top of that was dust and cobwebs.
“The word ‘remains’ I was shown has two meanings one of them being death.
“The word ‘ewe’ describes the ego I was shown a black female sheep with horns. The symbol for Christ is a pure white male lamb.”
Another of my revelations, dated March 22, 2013, 12:09 am:
“Aspirations of Thought
“Thank you for your focus. Your focus brings you to me for where am I but in your highest aspirations of thought. When you see anyone as beneath, lower, or below, it only brings you down in spirit vibration, or spiral of thought, which lowers your vibration of thought to bring you down to partake of whatever thought you thought upon about another, ‘For as you’ve done it unto the least of these my brethren you have done it unto me.’ Me who? Me you. For are you not me? Are we not joint heirs? Joined in whatever thought that we choose to think upon. As you think upon lack, hurt, sickness, molestation, rape, murder, control (people, religions, society), you see it. For you are the word made flesh. Your words, thoughts, actions, emotions, become the world you live, partake, and breathe. This is your manifestation. Every terrible thing thought upon every ego thought materializes or manifests for you to live and relive worlds without end (my punishment is eternal). You are me for are we not one? If you, worlds without end, think upon thoughts of lack, you will manifest a world of lack with other like beings. As you raise your thoughts (be still and know) I, you, we, create new thought patterns of vibration that move you up the spiritual latter where you will manifest into your world love, joy, peace, of such high frequency, such beauty such as you have never seen, only because it was never thought upon by you. You will join with other beings on every level of thought, for at every level of thought there is a manifestation, a world beyond your current thought. When you think upon anything, you are sowing or planting (even as a man thought so is he) or so shall he reap. The reason you must give up your thought for mine your thoughts produce the very world you see, worlds without end. When you join in thought with me and other joint heirs, you escape the treadmill of this world, moving up in thought or vibration, which releases you at death to move into higher realms of thought. Death is relief when done properly. It is a relief from the “prison of thought” created by mans’ mind when he judges, condemns, hates, kills, rapes, molests, all loveless thought, and all loveless thought brings you and those connected to you in thought down to Earth plains, or telestial plans for telestial thought. This is the lowest form of thought, where sickness and death abound. Thoughts with father are love in action, always moving forward. Going out ahead creating every love thought imaginable worlds without end. It is risen. Your thoughts join with other thought or thinkers at whatever level you think upon. We here in Christ conscience, are pioneers going out in thought, out beyond thought, creating love where no light exists at the present time. “We [literally] go where no man has gone before.” The darkness of existence is our canvas to create every imaginable beauty. All beauty was first imagined or thought upon by many minds connected in oneness causing creation to manifest love out in front (my father has many mansions, worlds without end) on every level of thought, telestial, terrestrial, and celestial. There is no end to thought, there is no end to creation. Yours and mine, for this thought is God. God does the work thought upon, when you join with other like-minded then I Am in the midst. The midst of creation or molecules that bond together to form creation. There is nowhere you can go in thought that I Am will not be, for it is your thought that call upon father to begin the growing process of whatever is thought upon. If you think up a hell, he is there with you, if you think upon heaven he is there with you also. He is no respecter of persons. He shines upon all causing growth, for he/she is expansion; limitless thought in action. This is why you must guard your thoughts unceasingly. Amen and amen.
“Pioneer of thought
“Ego is prisoner of thought.
“Always creating at every level.
“Pioneer: A person who is among those who first enter or settle a region, thus opening it for occupation and development by others.
“Prisoner: A person held in custody, captivity, or a condition of forcible restraint, especially while on trial or serving a prison sentence”